I posted a status on Facebook that got some very interesting responses.
Originally, when certain people tried to get me on FB, I was resistant and now I have many thousands of ‘friends’. However, the question I have is do our FB ‘friends’ really know us? Do they even care about who we are, what matters to us, or even what we do?
When I posed the original question on FB so many of my FB ‘friends’ shared wonderful kind words that touched my heart. I am so grateful to those who replied to my FB status question… I feel enormously honored to be seen by you all and I deeply value our relationship. What was fascinating was that there were many people who I feel I know well who did not write anything, (of course they may never have seen my question). Just as surprising were all the wonderful comments I got from people I did not even know.
Many years ago I gave a presentation on: “Friends when to hold them when to fold them.” I like to share with you a portion of that presentation and you can let me know what you think and feel.
We have all heard people speak of ‘fair weather friends’. These are the people who are your friend in good times…
It is said that when you hit hard times ‘fair weather friends’ will move out faster than bugs from a burning mattress. Clearly, it makes sense that if a friend is only there for the good times this isn’t much of a friend.
What I want to share with you are some other kinds of friends you may want to pay attention to, in particular, ‘bad weather friends’. I know you’ve been told that real friends will stick with you in times of trouble, and although that is true there is a certain type of friend who is only really there for you in your bad times.
You can probably remember a time when you were in a crappy relationship and this particular friend was right there for you. They told you that s/he is a fool to let you go. Or maybe you can remember a time when you were in serious financial ‘doo-doo’, and that certain friend was once again, right there for you, telling you that ‘they’ just don’t see your talents and skills.
In fact, the worse things get the closer this kind of friend is. I can almost hear you say; “well what’s wrong with that?”
It’s not that there is something wrong with it, in fact, I would agree that a ‘real friend’ would be there for you in such times. As much as I highly suggest that you be in full gratitude for those who are genuinely there for you in such times of challenge. That being said; we may want to examine this kind of relationship with at least the same level of inquiry as that of a ‘fair weather friend’.
In the case of a ‘fair weather friend,’ it’s pretty easy to see why the person is your friend, but have you ever considered why a ‘bad weather friend’ might be hanging out? Just as you might notice a ‘fair weather friend’ fade into the distance during tough times, a ‘bad weather friend’ will disappear during the good times, (particularly if the good times last).
At this point you may be wondering why a ‘bad weather friend’ would go away in good times, well the answer may surprise you. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying:
Misery Loves Company!
There will always be these type of people in your life because at either a conscious or unconscious level they find that you being in the crapper allows them to feel better about themselves.
A ‘bad weather friend’ is incredibly supportive when you are down, however, when you are up, you are seen as a threat. They may even use the kind of language that will tell you what kind of friend they really are. If they say: “when you become successful, find a lover, get promoted, (or any other kind of status change) you won’t want to be around me anymore.” This is the language of a ‘bad weather friend’.
Good friends, real friends, are there for you in both the good and the bad times. When things are tough they will hold you and tell you what’s great about you. However, when you are wallowing they will kick your ass to get you going if that’s what it takes. This same good friend will be overjoyed for your success in any given area. They want the best for you even if it means that for you to be truly happy and fulfilled they could lose out.
Real friends want you to become all that you are at that soulful level of fulfilling your potential.
A real friend would rather walk away than support you playing small.
A real friend will lift you up so that you can describe the view ahead and in turn inspire them to go to the next level.
I said earlier that Misery Loves Company, well so does Joy! So…
Get yourself around those who are playing big in all areas, especially joy!
I am a blessed man in more ways than I can say here. However, one way I know this for certain is I am surrounded by “Real Friends”. Some I have known for years, some I have known for moments. Some are blood family, some are a spiritual family. Some I have hugged and kissed with deep affection, some I know only via the electronic world of this blog and some even through Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube.
However, we know each other, I thank you for being more than a ‘fair weather friend’ or a ‘bad weather friend’.
I am deeply grateful for each of you who lift me up upon your shoulders to shine a light out into the world.
Thank you for celebrating my success, and telling everyone you know about what I teach.
I deeply enjoyed the FaceBook responses, so I have copied my question and some of the responses below as I thought you’d enjoy the wise and sometimes funny insights:
My Question: Are we friends? If you do consider me a friend, please tell me why that is.
- Alexander Kozupytsya
I heard a lot of good things about you plus you like Tom Jones! They say you’re the new Anthony Robbins….the self-help buffs!
- Danielle-Nicole Lareau
Because..you are me..and I like who you are..pure love and compassion my friend…ciao for now Dani
- Tracy Lee… You are my friend my brother and my inspiration and motivation, I love you for a multitude of reasons that stem back to my childhood, and I honor and thank you for being YOU for as long as I can remember, the only authentic soul I have ever known. xxx
- Andrea Lachner. Facebook (and My Space and Twitter LOL) has opened a whole new world to us – we can become ‘friends’ with people we’ve never met (and possibly never will meet) in person. Not to mention people in completely different time zones. Why do I become ‘friends’ with someone like you? Because you are inspiring!!! And I am always keen to read what you have for us to read & think about.
I have learned along the way that there are many different types of friends in our lives. There are the ones that will always be in your life no matter where in the world we each end up. There are the ones that are friends to you only when they need you or when you yourself need them. Which is a paradox to the saying that some people are your friends only in the good times – yup, I know of people that are only your friend in bad times – weird huh? 🙂 But nevertheless, every person we meet (in person or these days in cyberspace) has something to offer to our lives in some way or another.
The word ‘friend’ has many more meanings and levels to it than just one or 2 words 🙂
My 2 cents worth this early in the morning (for me) LOL…
Love and light XX… Read More
- Krystal Pine
I love you, Dov, because you are kind and considerate, but also, you have a backbone and stand up for the truth, you are gentle and honest.
- Rosally Saltsman
Yes. A friend is someone you trust, who possesses qualities you admire, who shares things in common with you and with whom you feel an emotional or spiritual chemistry. A friend is someone whom you feel you can grow through or with and help them to grow as well. It isn’t unusual for today’s technology or higher spiritual awareness to have friends you’ve never met. It’s just hard to have friends you never see.
- Kim Dushinski… Yes, I consider you a friend because you have gone dog walking with me more times than you know. (Via my MP3 player, of course).
- Natalie Gibson
Because you are who you are and you’re not afraid to show it because you’re continually pushing your own growth at an exponential rate, because you are profoundly integral with yourself and with others, because you don’t bullshit me with social nice disease and because we laugh and have fun together. simple, really.
- Naseem Rahman
We are born into our families and we are related to them by blood. Yet, there are some people who enter our lives for a reason and they become a part of our family, leaving a lasting impression on our lives. You are one such person in my life, Dov. You are my friend, my consultant, my guide and the voice of reason for me when the chips are down & I … feel cornered in a dark place. You are God’s gift to this universe, making it a better place to live. May the light of your enlightenment spread to places afar …You are simply the BEST….with Love Naseem
My Authentic Leadership Matrix is free this link! Why? Because one of the questions I’m most often asked is; What authentic leadership is and how do we define it? As a result, with years of experience and extensive requests, I created Authentic Leadership Matrix. It’s designed to give you a clear process of how to perform in each of the five main areas that are required for you to become a world class authentic leader. Start your yes and no evaluation to discover your leadership traits here: http://matrix.fullmontyleadership.com
Want to retain your top talent? Then my “Fiercely Loyal” book is for you! Plus get your free: “How to instantly bond any team” infographic.